The Kingdom of Anxiety

Two babies are wandering around without their diapers on. So far we seem to be slowly and agonizingly progressing towards a constant use of the lou by All members of the family.

And we're also, today, putting all the bins we sorted through and decided to keep down in the basement so we can regain some order and begin organizing a space for school.

Nevertheless, I can't get rid of that anxious knot in my stomach brought on by the fact that I'm going to have to have my blood taken 4 times tomorrow morning after not eating (which I'm really Not good at) and worst of all, drinking 100 grams of pure sugar. As I said to the very wonderful nurse who took my blood before, "I'd rather be in labor and give birth than drink this stuff."
"Lucky for you," she said, "you don't have to choose, you get to do both."
In other words, I feel exactly as I would if I was going to the dentist, which those of you who know me is akin to being put on a rack of some kind and tortured for hours.

So, with one eye on my lou bound toddlers, and one eye vaguely on the Scriptures, I was caught up short by this, which you will recognize as the words of Paul from Romans 5.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love i has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I have a little note in my margin that says "not inner peace. Rather, the war of rebellion is over." But, it also is a little bit of inner peace, or, as Mrs. Elton might say, 'Inner Resources". In other words, regardless of whatever my anxious innards may being saying, I feel spiritually prepared to cope with the suffering at hand, to endure it, as it were, because God's love has been poured into my heart by the Holy Spirit.

Roughly a year ago, when I was anxiously planning my homeschool year and wondering to anyone who would listen "How am I going to do this?" and "Do I have to use Saxon Math?", a wise veteran angel of holiness, homeschooling, and self control said, "Its a matter of grace." I stared at her in uncomprehending blankness. Grace? Really" That's what makes it possible? Not planning or really good curriculum, or my natural brilliantness as a mother and teacher?

But she's perfectly right. "Through him we have obtained access by faith into This Grace in which we Stand." For those who are justified by faith, God stands us in his grace. He gives us the desire and ability to do many things, like homeschooling. He walks us through the anxiety of our frail bodies. He stands us in his grace so that our suffering produces endurance which produces character which produces hope.

And so, ultimately, we are able to peacefully rejoice. And now I see that one of these baby toddlers needs to be returned to the lou.