Now in the Fading Light of Day

I've just manipulated my husband into making me a cup of warm milk.
But I feel rather as though I deserve it (in so far as a Calvanistically bent Anglican can deserve anything), so flush am I with the extraordinary number of tasks I have accomplished in the course of the day.

Amongst them was the taking of a long walk.
I've taken a total of three real walks, not including this one, since we moved into this house and neighborhood. Of course, we moved in the dead of winter, torn from the comfort and security of a house we'd finally learned to like (what high praise) and a neighborhood that was perfect for walking, even sometimes in the snow, so walking in this new place didn't immediately occur to me.

Behind our old house there was a good solid hill, if you felt up to it, and just over from our very nice neighborhood was a super fancy neighborhood with big beautiful houses. If you were really motivated you could loop up over the hill to see all the richness, or, if you were fat and pregnant, you could go the longer flatter way. Then also, in the opposite direction, our street was lined with comfortable interesting looking houses with fairly nice gardens, and if you pushed just a little farther on you could make it all the way to now defunct La Tazza for coffee.

I walked a great deal on my own, sometimes pushing a baby, sometimes not. Matt walked every day. Many times we would walk together--three babies worth we managed to walk together, pushing massive and heavy strollers and talking talking talking to each other. Its was so restful before the children could talk to us. Many evenings I walked up and down trying to kick myself into labor. One, two, three, four times. We walked the dog. We walked alone. We walked.

As soon as the weather was better after the move, by this time feeling sick with early baby number five (I mean, because what better way to inaugurate a house than to have another baby) I took one walk. But it was disorienting and unpleasant. I blamed it on the baby, but I think, though the weather was warm, I was still very numb. The houses were ramshackle. I judged the gardens unfairly. All the various paint combinations made my head ache. I tripped once on the pavement. I discovered I was too busy to ever do it again.

So then we had another baby and I had so many babies I didn't know what to do, certainly not take a walk. But finally I did earlier in the summer. I walked right up to the top of this new other hill. And then, a few days later, I did it again with a friend. At the top was an immense view of the whole city, blazingly baptized in golden purifying light. From up there it looks like a real city.

Today, RC Sproul buzzing in my ear about the atoning work of Jesus on the cross (Matt is always generous with his ipod if it will help make me thinner), I nodded to various neighbors. I discovered three houses with lovely tucked away gardens. I was friendly to a dog. I said hello to a young boy swinging on the metal railing of his steps. I thought the sun might be setting on old grief, shedding its pink and golden array of glory on new walks. As Jesus and RC have said, "It is finished."

Happy 4th!

Part IV of Leaving Home is Finally up! Took us an age, but I think the extra time made it extra good. If you missed the beginning, here's Part I, Part II, and Part III.

On that note, I'm going to wrench myself from the internet and desperately paint my kitchen and fling it back together and clean the house before noon when my weekend visitors arrive.

Stay cool! Its a scorcher.

Part Three

Part Three of our on-going series Leaving Home is up at Stand Firm. I would stay and write more but I should already be in the shower and getting ready for school. Enjoy! Stay warm if you're in this part of the world. More snow seems to be falling.

A fridgid Monday Evening

Part Two of our series Leaving Home is up at Stand Firm. Part One is here. We're well on our way into the third part so hopefully we'll be able to finish it this week. I'm going to be taking the hour I usually spend writing here writing on that project, although I do hope to post as best I can. I'm finding the process of writing more and more fun and interesting and its a pleasure to write with Matt, something we've never done before on any scale.

Also, there are several blogs I've been intending to link here and on my side bar, so hopefully I'll get to that this week. Over all we're continuing to pitch headlong through each day. Its 10pm and I can hear the boys singing to each other. And the cat is walking up and down over my legs. And the baby is sucking desperately on her plug trying to go to sleep.
Goodnight.

Just Another Monday

There are flood watches all around the city and I've been mopping up water in the basement much of the morning. I'd been hoping to get down there and clean it and all the free water coming through the window/ceiling was sort of cheerfully acceptable to me. But then I put on rubber flip flops and my feet eventually slid out from under me and I landed rather heavily on my tailbone. I felt quite faint and sick so have had a long rest but I'm about to go back into the muck and try to finish up.

So, I want to point you all to Stand Firm. Matt and I have been writing together (Not an easy process let me tell you) a longish account of the last year and Matt has just posted the first installment. Its been really good to work through carefully all that happened before it fades too quickly from mind. Plus, this last Sunday was the first Sunday, to date almost, that we worshiped in our current location. So the series is really an anniversary present to us and to you. I hope you will go over and read it.

Happy Monday! Stay Dry!

On the occason of havng our cat back or What's been So Amazng about you all

You can see that am typng on my lap top and have no ''s and no 'k's. if i went back and cut them all in t would take hours, so 've only done a few.

So as you all know, we've been prayng for our cat rather desperately from the moment he went missng. And we've gone back over the day and week over and over in our minds, tryng to fgure out what happened and what we ought to have done dfferently. We've worred, we've confessed our sins, and we've prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for this cat.

its an interestng exercse, prayer and belief. Of course, we know perfectly well that God can do whatever he wants, even and includng workng in the heart and mind of a very scared and unreasonable animal to move him to do what he ought to do and go home. We see God's miracles all the time around us, but when it comes down to the wire, its been very hard for me to believe that he would Want to bring my cat home, that he mght be woring out hs perfect wll and purpose in our lives every moment, not just spiritually, but in the smallest physical detals of life.

its very foolish of me to doubt and not believe. As i consider the care God took n bringing us here, when we could not see one step in front of another; the way he used friends, Christan community, our circumstances-everything-to care for us, provide for us, show us hs love. it has felt every day that he was pourng us out lei water or a drink offerng, that we were beng splled out of hs cup into the world in a most sudden and discomfting way. And Yet, the cup never empted out. We have been blessed over and above what we could even have imagned.

The week we packed up, every day surprisng numbers of peope came and dove in. The people who welcomed us to Good Sheperd when we frst came, came that Monday and carefully and methodcally paced up all our china and crystal. Romulus' wonderful Manou came every day in the mornng and cleaned and packed and did laundry. Another wonderful friend took our laundry away and brought it back clean for two weeks. Frends from CC brought meals, took the older kds to do review, and were so helpful on the days we went to CC in the mdst of all the chaos. The two days we actually moved, most of the men's Bble study, and some sterling men from the Shepherd's Bowl worked in unbeleveable bitter cold cheerfully and graciously, and Quikly. One week exactly from loosng the suit, we slept in the new house. Meals have shown up on our doorstep unannounced. Friends have come and helped clean and unpack. its been one big circus of fun for the children-every day someone wonderful to play wth or somewhere nice to go. And then on top of it all, so many of you have prayed for our cat.

i haven't even gotten nto the gracious care and generosty of the Baptist Church, the Catholic Church, the Presbyteran Church, just about Every church in not only prayng and supportng us in word, but in deed going to great lengths to help us materal and practcally.

And my small doubt in the love and care of God is made even more redculous by ths glorous soft, warm safe kitty curled up wth me, home finally. Lest any of you doubt that God can do somethng, let our lives be a witness to you that he is very strong indeed, and loving, and that the faith of a quarter of a tiny mustard seed, when placed in the hands of God himself, can even bring an errant kitty home.

God is gracious and merciful, abounding in steadfast love

We found our kitty. He was hiding in the old house. Finally, by going at the basement wall a little, we were able to pet and coax him out. I'm so so grateful to God. And very grateful to the people with dio CNY who were gracious enough to call us and let us into the house and help us get him out. He is a little thin, and he is currently hiding somewhere in this house, but he's home. Thank you all so much for praying.

What's Been Amazing

As I said before, its been in my mind some time to write both about what's been really difficult and what's been amazing. Each day, depending on my mood at the time, I've vaguely dabbled at both, but so far today things look a little more cheerful, so that's the direction I'll head.

What's Been Amazing about God
He is Sovereign and his timing is perfect.
A year ago, about the time Gladys was born, God saw fit to put in order our distracted and messy finances. He did this so effectively and miraculously that we were able (by his sovereign grace) to go to Jerusalem in June. We were also able to afford to home school this year with CC which was provided some small structure in the midst of chaos.

This is a bitter and gracious pill to swallow. We've not been under any illusions about the nature of this battle. In 2003, sitting rosily and comfortably on the River Walk in San Antonio, reading with horror the events of GC2003, hitting refresh on T19 every few minutes, we knew clearly and unmistakably that it was the breakup of the church, even our own small corner church, and possibly the loss of our job. And each step that we've taken, sometimes in the dark, sometimes in waveringly dim light, the possibility of loss was as clear as the Gospel itself, bright and clear as the love of Jesus guarding us, moving us forward, protecting us.

I'll be honest, I've always been horribly afraid of this move. I've put all kinds of conditions around it-Please God, let me have this baby. Please God, let me get through the Easter Vigil. Please, God, let my kids be --this old. And finally, PLEASE GOD, let me just do this next 12 weeks of CC In This House, in this school room, in this light, in this order. My prayers became more fervent, every day, because I knew, in the depths of my soul, that God had the power to make me move any time, and that probably it was going to be in these 12 weeks. I don't know how I knew. I didn't have any proof. I just had a sneaking suspicion, one that proved to be Right On.

So my 'worst fears' were realized. But, God is gracious and sovereign and his timing is perfect. And in this case, it meant that we spent a beautiful fall seriously schooling and enjoying life. We went apple picking.



We went to the Opera to see the Three Little Pigs. We went often to the library.
We celebrated Gladys' birthday.



We went trick or treating.



We did hours of work around the kitchen table eating muffins and drinking tea all the time. And then we wrapped it all up with a lavish Thanksgiving Dinner and a week with Matt's parents who (and it still makes me cry to think about it) in amazing gracious generosity and love, gave us their car. The second night they were with us, Matt's dad handed Matt the keys and told us to put all our car seats in it. Matt, not understanding at all, went off to do it and then came back in amazement. The gift of this amazing car (which has heated seats, and which fits us all and is, yes, the car I crashed last week) allowed us to go all together to Chicago to see the birth of the new Province.

After Thanksgiving we took December off from formal school and played and practiced the Christmas Pageant and read books. And finally we celebrated a beautifully heartbreaking Christmas together.

And then, praying as you remember, all the time, I put my school room in order, started school, went to lunch with my friend, and came home to find that the ax was at the root of the tree and we had to get out, Now. So we did. And here we are, three weeks later, really only mourning our kitty, comfortable, warm, starting to pick back up to school, playing knights and princess, cooking, writing and getting back to life.
God is sovereign and his timing is perfect.

Later Part Two:
What's Been Amazing about our Friends and Family

Superbowl Sunday

Matt rustled up a TV so we can watch the Superbowl. After kind of a rough few weeks, we're sitting here Very comfortably arguing about whether or not to leave said TV in the living room. Its one of our favorite arguments, and depending on the state of things, we frequently switch sides in the middle.

Adding to the warm glow was the gift of an Amazing Ham by a local nun. And when I say Amazing, I mean butter-like, bone in, perfect crust.

And 112 people came to church this morning! Had we not roped off fully half of the church, it would have felt disappointingly small (the church seats 400), but because everyone clustered up at the front, it felt packed, because it was.

Let's just be frank, its a Beautiful Church. The light is lovely, the wood work is lovely, the acoustics are lovely. God is so amazing.

In the coming days I hope to finally get to that long lost tag, and also to write two list like posts-one on What's been Really Tough, and one on What's Been Really Amazing.

Go Check it Out

Matt has posted bunches of pictures here and here.

Monday Morning Fog

I shouldn't really be blogging, I should be writing email, or something.
But I thought I'd give some smattering unrelated to each other updates and then go do email.

The Cat
His name is Bander. He is really my beloved mother's cat. He big and glorious, though young, all black and long haired. He's always been skiddish. After he ran away we found that he was coming back to eat the food we'd left out, and there were fat kitty tracks all over the back yard. Stupidly, we let the food eating go on for several days before thinking to set a trap. I don't even remember what day we finally did that. But he's very smart, and he managed to eat the food out of the trap Twice without being caught. Now he's apparently not eating the food, though there are traces of him. The next step, as my mother rightly points out, is to go sleep in the old house which I need to do. The plan was for one of us to do that last night. However, Matt, as I mentioned, had two teeth out last week and instead of being in less pain every day, the pain has gradually and steadily increased, so that last night he couldn't sleep at all, and I didn't want him to have to be up with any wakeful children. So this morning, hopefully, we will check on the cat again and take him to the dentist. And then, hopefully, I'll be able to sleep there tonight. Of course, all the neighbors have been alerted. I haven't called the paper or put up signs because he's obviously hanging around.

The Children
Elphine, this morning, in a fit of fabulous older girlness, got the baby up and played with her, filled my tea kettle and put it on so it was hot when we came down, got breakfast for everyone, and is now teaching the lot of them to dance ballet. Romulus is always dressed, now, in full armor-helmet, shield, breastplate, sword-play obviously. Gladys is under the false impression that she should be able to climb on anything whenever she wants to, and play in the potty. The house is now covered in signs, for visitors, to remember to close all bathroom doors, shut all potty lids, and don't be suckered in by her sweet smile when she tries to get you to open the bathroom door for her. Aloysius seems, to me today, more solid. He plays Narnia all day long, waving his sword and killing the White Witch over and over.

The Church
Yesterday we worshiped in beautiful light filled St. Andrew's Catholic Church, which we are, if you have read the church blog, trying to buy. Its enormous. It seats 400 something and has a massive parish hall, where, someone pointed out, we could host a rock concert if we wanted to. I'm not at all sure why we'd want to. It is seriously short of Sunday School possibilities and would require some juggling to fit all our various classes in. However, like the house in which we now reside, its in such great shape all it needs is some new carpet and a paint job. It was, I'll admit it, a fine and amazing thing to dress all the children up, shove them out the door with their father to walk the 50 feet to the church, and then take a shower in peace, perfect peace, and arrive myself, 30 minutes later, calm, basically together and cheerful. And then, when it was all over, we walked back for a nice rest.

School
Not surprisingly, it hasn't happened really for exactly two weeks, except here and there where I could squeeze in a book or a worksheet or a history lesson (Inauguration Day). But we're much more settled now. All our supplies are out and organized. And so after Matt has had his tooth looked at and we've replenished our supply of milk and cheerios, we will settle back in. And, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not unpacking or packing any more, or rearranging cupboards, or doing Anything except school until after Easter. (Ha, God is probably laughing at me.)

Blow by Blow or rather Box by Box

I’m in that impossible place of having lived so much in such a short amount of time that I have nothing to say. It seems years and years have passed in the course of one day and so now I am very old and my back hurts.

I’ve been trying to think in categories of things, but its not going anywhere, so I’ll try days.

Thursday 8 January
Noon Eucharist. Found the Tabernacle Candle out. Thought it odd. Went to lunch with a friend (really fine Indian food) and arrived home at 2 o’clock to find that we’d lost our court battle. Had an immediate adrenalin rush. Felt like panicking. Sat down with Matt and four whirling children to pray for a few minutes. Then headed straight over to church to pack up our offices and get out the stuff that belonged to us. Fell sad, exhausted and geared up, into bed.

Friday 9 January
Tachee (I’ve decided to go ahead and use her ‘name’ because you’ll never be able to find her this way) came over early to stay with the children so I could go back to church with Matt and finish packing up, as well as doing up a final bulletin for the service. Worked all day.

Saturday 10 January
Women’s Bible Study and Choir Practice. Went home to “pack” only to sit down on the couch and fall asleep with my mouth open so that I woke up drooling.

Sunday 11 January
To church early. No proper Sunday school because of parish meeting. Children all made little things out of Femo/Sculpy. Parish Completely United, save one. Everyone eager to know where we would be the next Sunday. 10:30 Service with Communion and Incense at the last minute because of the Baptism of Jesus and because it seemed like the thing to do. Excellent Music and Sermon. Everyone crying. Stripped the altar at the end. Someone accidentally spilled over the therbal making a large smear of ash across the nave floor. Walked out in silence.

Monday 12 January
Friends arrived early to start packing. Made extensive and complicated lists and pinned them to the stairway wall. Tachee took the children to make their lives happier. Felt really sad. Packed all day. Amazing Friends. Someone began taking laundry away to do and bring back clean. Pizza for lunch and supper.

Tuesday 13 January
Friends early again to pack. Packed all day. Ate more pizza. Realized that it had Iced the previous Wednesday preventing us from going to CC, meaning that here I was, on a Tuesday Night, Completely Prepared Already for class next morning. Wondered at the mercy of God who knows all things and from whom nothing can be hid. Verse for the day, ‘If the Lord had not been my salvation, I would have soon gone to the land of the dead’ or, If the Lord had not been my salvation, and you had not come to help me pack, I would have soon gone to the land of the dead.

Wednesday 14 January
Took the day off packing. Went to CC. Realized there was no breakfast and stopped at Starbucks for muffins in the frigid cold. Windows frozen shut and had to get out, even at the drive through, to buy said muffins (and coffee). Very calm CC morning. Thanked God for the break from Chaos. Dropped all the children at Tachee’s. Realized there was a free hour with no children. Went and had all my hair cut off. Young child like boy hair cutter took nearly Two Hours to cut it. Repented of my rashness and began praying for it all to miraculously grow back. Met Matt at St. Andrew’s Rectory to receive the key from Msgr Meagher who has been So Gracious, I cannot even begin to describe to you how gracious. More people in the evening to pack. Lovely friend showed up with supper—beef stew, fresh spinach and strawberry salad, plus more pizza. ‘Scriptural Refrain of the Day’: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness O Lord.

Thursday 15 January
Up early. Packed all day. Amazing friend took two oldest children to do CC Review for the afternoon. Amazing Tachee took babies to her house. Amazing guys from church and from the Shepherd’s Bowl showed up on the Coldest Day in a long while to begin moving stuff to St. A’s. Stayed on my toes trying to keep track of where boxes were going. More supper from wonderful friends—baked ziti. Slept the first night at St. A’s Rectory.

Friday 16 January
Men’s Bible Study at Denny’s. Guys over early to begin moving again. Totally spooked our black kitty who promptly ran away. Began worrying and praying about kitty. Back and forth from old to new houses trying to pack and unpack at the same time.

Saturday 17 January
Woke up late. Widely made semblance of order before 10am so that Women’s Bible Study could sit and be warm and cozy. Forced to unpack beautiful restful Bombay china in order to serve tea. Derived great comfort therein. Dumped out several other boxes looking for Bible and fabulous Isaiah Commentary. Found it in the evening, when I wasn’t looking for it any more. More help in the afternoon unpacking. Back to the old house three times to look for kitty.

Sunday 18 January
Worshiped at Conklin Avenue Baptist Church in their gym. Couldn’t find anything to wear, for anyone. Two hours of sheer panic while we dumped boxes out looking for anything, tripping over each other, crying and finally getting to church an hour and a half later than usual. Fell in a snow bank with the baby. More crying. Coffee hour continued at the St. Andrew’s Rectory and more people unpacked and tried to sort through all the junk. Micah hosted Sr. High Youth Group in the Basement. Back to the old house three times to look for kitty. More praying.


Monday 19 January
Went straight away to check for the cat. Tried vaguely to clear up before more visitors. Friends brought lunch and helped unpack all the school supplies.
For Supper made a pork chops for Matt. Discovered that all through the weekend God had rolled the same tape over in our hearts, “You meant it for evil, but the Lord meant it for good.” Micah hosted Middle School Youth Group in the basement.

Tuesday 20 January
Morning Prayer in the Basement.
Remembered, unhappily, that it was Inauguration Day and we had no way to watch the proceedings. Managed to pack E and A off with Tachee to watch it. Swapped her big kids for babies when it was over. Sat on the couch and drew pictures of our system of government. Amused to find that E lost all her principles in rapture over Obama’s beautiful daughters. She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to draw a perfect picture of them. Started four or five times because it wasn’t coming out right. Spent the evening preparing for CC and packing an elaborate and unnecessarily beautiful lunch (curried egg salad sandwich, a little jar of gray sea salt, boiled eggs, carrot sticks, apples, bananas, Oreos, little plates and napkins all packed in a fancy pail because I couldn’t find any of our regular lunch containers).

Wednesday 21 January
Up at 5 to gather wits. Long time ‘mussing’ hair with weird gel trying to look hip. Reviewed all the songs and hand motions for class. Left promptly at 8 for a restful morning of CC. Turned out not to be restful as all 4 little boys appeared to have eaten straight sugar for breakfast. Home to find Matt is serious horrible pain from barbaric teeth removal. Immediately went to fill his prescription. Took it home, went back out to look for the cat. Came home and cooked a long and complicated supper for Micah (who has been owed supper for a long time) involving Sweet Potato Fries, Curried Chicken and Rice, Peas, and Chicken Soup for Matt from scratch (a satisfying little pot of chicken, carrot, celery, onion, garlic, thyme and peppercorns, added cream to thicken it up). Forgot to make dessert causing children to gnash teeth and whine. Disappointed all parties by falling asleep after story time leaving Micah and Matt to fend for themselves. Deeply impressed to wake up and find Micah doing the supper dishes.

Thursday 22 January
Did Morning Prayer for Matt in the Basement.
Started on our bedroom. Got distracted by hanging up curtains and looking for pictures to put on the walls. Didn’t actually put any clothes away.
Celebrated Thursday Noon Eucharist in the basement using a wineglass, a bread plate, some oldish wafers, and the end of a bottle of something. Excellent discussion about God’s providence and love. Several trips to look for the cat. Surprised to have a Realtor come by to show someone the house and church. Grateful that we hadn’t had time to pick up, prayed fervently they would hate it and be put off by all the strangely dressed children. Took Emma to ballet. Put all the children to bed. Finished off the end of ridiculous and lesser known L. M. Montgomery novel, The Blue Castle which turns out not to be nearly as romantic as I thought it was as a child, still very pretty descriptions of the weather.

Friday 23 January
Woke up to the sound of the Men’s Bible Study going on loudly. Poured bowls of cereal and wished I could wake up sooner than the children so as to be able to pray. Sat vapidly in front of the computer catching up on other people’s blogs. Went to look for the cat. Read more blogs. Made a pot of tea but forgot about it and went to the post office and to look for the cat. Came home and drank a cup of cold tea. Nagged Matt about being on time to go to the notary. Were late to the notary to sign the New Corportation’s Papers. Went to Circuit City for a wireless router. Went to look for the cat. Still no cat. Cried bitterly and put the last load of stuff in the car.

And that brings us to today, Saturday 24 January. And so to bed, because tomorrow there is church, and more trips to look for the cat, for whom, tonight, I hope you will pray and pray and pray.

Evening Is at hand and the day Is past

I'm typing without I's, k's, and some other letter, and pilfering off someone else's wireless And 'm about to clear things up and go to bed just wanted to let you all now that we are alive and well. We are comfortably and warmly Installed n the St. Andrew's rectory. We have another few trips of stuff to bring over before the old house is completely empty. Its been a rough week. A lot of crying, a lot missing things, a lot of forgotten things (Sorry Sarah! I feel utterly terrible.)

I have A Whole Lot of things to write about. I've been making mental notes to myself throughout the day, trying to bookmark my mind so that 'll be able to catch t all. God has been very gracious, very holy, very surprising. Thank you All for Praying.

Various Notes particularly to Good Shepherd

I want to direct your attention to the Thursday Notes on the church blog. Matt is under the impression that Some of you read this blog and not the church one as well, which is very bad.

Particularly note this section,

"Paul lived under the laws and governance of the Roman Empire. Rome, during the first century and into the second, was increasingly hostile toward Christians...and unjust. The churches to which Paul wrote his letters often suffered persecution and sometimes had their property confiscated like we have. Nevertheless, here is what Paul wrote to Roman Christians about the civil authorities: "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment." Romans 13:1-2 We are under a lot of stress right now.

I'm sorry, I don't have time to blog.
THANK YOU to everyone who has helped so far. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We are beginning to take stuff out today, so I am trying to be on my toes to say where everything should go-where we're going to be, or into storage. Obviously, I haven't had time to label OR sort (boo). Everything is just being packed up and we're out of here. Hopefully I'll have occasion for an Amazing Garage Sale in the spring. And, naturally, today and tomorrow are the coldest days we've had for some years, so I entreat your prayers for the guys who are going to be out in it, and the ones who are going to try and take down our frozen swing set and carry it away.

There goes the phone. More updates as time (ha!) allows.