I’m in that impossible place of having lived so much in such a short amount of time that I have nothing to say. It seems years and years have passed in the course of one day and so now I am very old and my back hurts.
I’ve been trying to think in categories of things, but its not going anywhere, so I’ll try days.
Thursday 8 January
Noon Eucharist. Found the Tabernacle Candle out. Thought it odd. Went to lunch with a friend (really fine Indian food) and arrived home at 2 o’clock to find that we’d lost our court battle. Had an immediate adrenalin rush. Felt like panicking. Sat down with Matt and four whirling children to pray for a few minutes. Then headed straight over to church to pack up our offices and get out the stuff that belonged to us. Fell sad, exhausted and geared up, into bed.
Friday 9 January
Tachee (I’ve decided to go ahead and use her ‘name’ because you’ll never be able to find her this way) came over early to stay with the children so I could go back to church with Matt and finish packing up, as well as doing up a final bulletin for the service. Worked all day.
Saturday 10 January
Women’s Bible Study and Choir Practice. Went home to “pack” only to sit down on the couch and fall asleep with my mouth open so that I woke up drooling.
Sunday 11 January
To church early. No proper Sunday school because of parish meeting. Children all made little things out of Femo/Sculpy. Parish Completely United, save one. Everyone eager to know where we would be the next Sunday. 10:30 Service with Communion and Incense at the last minute because of the Baptism of Jesus and because it seemed like the thing to do. Excellent Music and Sermon. Everyone crying. Stripped the altar at the end. Someone accidentally spilled over the therbal making a large smear of ash across the nave floor. Walked out in silence.
Monday 12 January
Friends arrived early to start packing. Made extensive and complicated lists and pinned them to the stairway wall. Tachee took the children to make their lives happier. Felt really sad. Packed all day. Amazing Friends. Someone began taking laundry away to do and bring back clean. Pizza for lunch and supper.
Tuesday 13 January
Friends early again to pack. Packed all day. Ate more pizza. Realized that it had Iced the previous Wednesday preventing us from going to CC, meaning that here I was, on a Tuesday Night, Completely Prepared Already for class next morning. Wondered at the mercy of God who knows all things and from whom nothing can be hid. Verse for the day, ‘If the Lord had not been my salvation, I would have soon gone to the land of the dead’ or, If the Lord had not been my salvation, and you had not come to help me pack, I would have soon gone to the land of the dead.
Wednesday 14 January
Took the day off packing. Went to CC. Realized there was no breakfast and stopped at Starbucks for muffins in the frigid cold. Windows frozen shut and had to get out, even at the drive through, to buy said muffins (and coffee). Very calm CC morning. Thanked God for the break from Chaos. Dropped all the children at Tachee’s. Realized there was a free hour with no children. Went and had all my hair cut off. Young child like boy hair cutter took nearly Two Hours to cut it. Repented of my rashness and began praying for it all to miraculously grow back. Met Matt at St. Andrew’s Rectory to receive the key from Msgr Meagher who has been So Gracious, I cannot even begin to describe to you how gracious. More people in the evening to pack. Lovely friend showed up with supper—beef stew, fresh spinach and strawberry salad, plus more pizza. ‘Scriptural Refrain of the Day’: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness O Lord.
Thursday 15 January
Up early. Packed all day. Amazing friend took two oldest children to do CC Review for the afternoon. Amazing Tachee took babies to her house. Amazing guys from church and from the Shepherd’s Bowl showed up on the Coldest Day in a long while to begin moving stuff to St. A’s. Stayed on my toes trying to keep track of where boxes were going. More supper from wonderful friends—baked ziti. Slept the first night at St. A’s Rectory.
Friday 16 January
Men’s Bible Study at Denny’s. Guys over early to begin moving again. Totally spooked our black kitty who promptly ran away. Began worrying and praying about kitty. Back and forth from old to new houses trying to pack and unpack at the same time.
Saturday 17 January
Woke up late. Widely made semblance of order before 10am so that Women’s Bible Study could sit and be warm and cozy. Forced to unpack beautiful restful Bombay china in order to serve tea. Derived great comfort therein. Dumped out several other boxes looking for Bible and fabulous Isaiah Commentary. Found it in the evening, when I wasn’t looking for it any more. More help in the afternoon unpacking. Back to the old house three times to look for kitty.
Sunday 18 January
Worshiped at Conklin Avenue Baptist Church in their gym. Couldn’t find anything to wear, for anyone. Two hours of sheer panic while we dumped boxes out looking for anything, tripping over each other, crying and finally getting to church an hour and a half later than usual. Fell in a snow bank with the baby. More crying. Coffee hour continued at the St. Andrew’s Rectory and more people unpacked and tried to sort through all the junk. Micah hosted Sr. High Youth Group in the Basement. Back to the old house three times to look for kitty. More praying.
Monday 19 January
Went straight away to check for the cat. Tried vaguely to clear up before more visitors. Friends brought lunch and helped unpack all the school supplies.
For Supper made a pork chops for Matt. Discovered that all through the weekend God had rolled the same tape over in our hearts, “You meant it for evil, but the Lord meant it for good.” Micah hosted Middle School Youth Group in the basement.
Tuesday 20 January
Morning Prayer in the Basement.
Remembered, unhappily, that it was Inauguration Day and we had no way to watch the proceedings. Managed to pack E and A off with Tachee to watch it. Swapped her big kids for babies when it was over. Sat on the couch and drew pictures of our system of government. Amused to find that E lost all her principles in rapture over Obama’s beautiful daughters. She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to draw a perfect picture of them. Started four or five times because it wasn’t coming out right. Spent the evening preparing for CC and packing an elaborate and unnecessarily beautiful lunch (curried egg salad sandwich, a little jar of gray sea salt, boiled eggs, carrot sticks, apples, bananas, Oreos, little plates and napkins all packed in a fancy pail because I couldn’t find any of our regular lunch containers).
Wednesday 21 January
Up at 5 to gather wits. Long time ‘mussing’ hair with weird gel trying to look hip. Reviewed all the songs and hand motions for class. Left promptly at 8 for a restful morning of CC. Turned out not to be restful as all 4 little boys appeared to have eaten straight sugar for breakfast. Home to find Matt is serious horrible pain from barbaric teeth removal. Immediately went to fill his prescription. Took it home, went back out to look for the cat. Came home and cooked a long and complicated supper for Micah (who has been owed supper for a long time) involving Sweet Potato Fries, Curried Chicken and Rice, Peas, and Chicken Soup for Matt from scratch (a satisfying little pot of chicken, carrot, celery, onion, garlic, thyme and peppercorns, added cream to thicken it up). Forgot to make dessert causing children to gnash teeth and whine. Disappointed all parties by falling asleep after story time leaving Micah and Matt to fend for themselves. Deeply impressed to wake up and find Micah doing the supper dishes.
Thursday 22 January
Did Morning Prayer for Matt in the Basement.
Started on our bedroom. Got distracted by hanging up curtains and looking for pictures to put on the walls. Didn’t actually put any clothes away.
Celebrated Thursday Noon Eucharist in the basement using a wineglass, a bread plate, some oldish wafers, and the end of a bottle of something. Excellent discussion about God’s providence and love. Several trips to look for the cat. Surprised to have a Realtor come by to show someone the house and church. Grateful that we hadn’t had time to pick up, prayed fervently they would hate it and be put off by all the strangely dressed children. Took Emma to ballet. Put all the children to bed. Finished off the end of ridiculous and lesser known L. M. Montgomery novel, The Blue Castle which turns out not to be nearly as romantic as I thought it was as a child, still very pretty descriptions of the weather.
Friday 23 January
Woke up to the sound of the Men’s Bible Study going on loudly. Poured bowls of cereal and wished I could wake up sooner than the children so as to be able to pray. Sat vapidly in front of the computer catching up on other people’s blogs. Went to look for the cat. Read more blogs. Made a pot of tea but forgot about it and went to the post office and to look for the cat. Came home and drank a cup of cold tea. Nagged Matt about being on time to go to the notary. Were late to the notary to sign the New Corportation’s Papers. Went to Circuit City for a wireless router. Went to look for the cat. Still no cat. Cried bitterly and put the last load of stuff in the car.
And that brings us to today, Saturday 24 January. And so to bed, because tomorrow there is church, and more trips to look for the cat, for whom, tonight, I hope you will pray and pray and pray.
15 comments:
May I just say that I love you.
I beat the hair looks great!
Prayers for all the Kennedys and all their wonderful friends, and their dear kitty. Helping somebody move is one of the most loving things anyone can do.
Anne, what you have been through has been exhausting, mentally, physically and spiritually. On top of your already demanding schedule, you've had additional stresses imposed upon you, and your entire family by those who sought to persecute you and Matt and your parish. What you are feeling is a normal human response to what you've been through. All of you have shown the strength of a rock through this crisis, and exhibited much grace, and more charity than most.
I can well understand, because what my family went through, while different, was as traumatic (I'm not downplaying what we went through, but what you all are going through, with small children, and parishioners who depend on you is on par with what we experienced). I spent 6 yrs caring for my husband, while his condition deteriorated while waiting for an organ transplant. I fought first to get him medicare, as he'd lost his job and health insurance, then I fought to get him a specialist, as even at public hospitals these days if you don't have an expensive supplemental policy, medicare is no longer accepted. A lymphoma went undiagnosed, and wasn't diagnosed until it was far too late to be treatable. It was the most inhumane and degrading experience I've ever had, and it broke my heart seeing what my husband withstood and went through. It was a nightmare and I after he passed away, I was exhausted, and numb.
I moved to Kalamazoo w/my daughter in '06, a month after my husband's passing. To me, the world seemed so cold. Back in RI, I'd had no one to get counsel from, certainly not in the church I'd attended. I would be in line at the pharmacy and overhear someone, a woman one time who couldn't afford a prescription for her child, and seeing her break down while speaking to the pharmacist. And it would send me over the edge, because I knew what she was going through.
I mention this, because when I found the Stand Firm forum, it was the first time in a long time, that I was witnessing others who took the faith as serious as I did. It helped me to realize that the coldness and cruelty that I'd experienced was because too many in this world have allowed themselves to reject the faith that had formed the ethics and values that had made so much that was good in the world.. prior to finding the forum, I had started to feel that I had been naive, and had started to let resentment creep in to my heart and mind.
You, Matt and so many others are examples of what Christ spoke about when He said He was the light of the world. Your goodness, and good works are proof that Christ is present in your lives, your hearts and minds, and that you are sharing Him with others. You are all filled with that light, and it lifts the hearts, and is a balm to the souls of others, as it has mine.
It will take some time, but you will rebound from this. Don't be afraid to ask for help, don't hold back the tears, and never be too hard on yourself. Both you and Matt, talk with each other, and be a shoulder for each other.. not that I feel you need reminding. I hope Matt's tooth is feeling better, btw. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Mari
All week I've been sitting across the theological aisle, so to speak (and across the country) fretting about your atrium. Did you have to leave your CGS materials behind?
Sending prayers up for the cat as well.
A worried catechist....
Dear,dear Anne,
Thank you so much for taking the time to remember and record your days. It is an aid to praying for you.
You are living in witness, leaning on the Lord in a difficult situation.
May His Peace invade your soul every hour of every day. May your cat come home. May you be richly blessed and cared for. God has been preparing you all for this for a very long time.
Much love,
Carol
Don't worry, I'm sure the cat will turn up, because I once lost my cat in New Mexico (on route during a move to Colorado from Texas and the people we were staying with moved across town the next month... good bye kitty.) Oddly, two months later my cat showed up at their new house, just as they were telling a friend how he'd escaped out of their old garage! They brought him to me in Colorado. :) I was one very happy kid. I would love to know how that cat knew where they'd moved to...
~R
Miss you all horribly.
Thank you all! for the prayers and comments. Re the atrium, we bought everything some while ago and we're able to take it all with us. The last two weeks we joined all three classes together, along with Jr. High, and meditated on the 23 Psalm. Next Sunday we'll try and figure out how to do Three Levels out of one "atrium". We're very grateful to have all the materials. That was a priority for the parish. Who needs chalices, when you can have the Good Shepherd.
I say again what I told both of you in Wheaton....you are two of my heroes.. Thanks for sharing the "human" side of this as it help our prayers for you. Blessings, kate+
When I was heavily pregnant with my daughter and had my autistic 3 year old son home with me (day off from school for Jewish holiday--joy of living in NJ), our beautiful greyhound got out of the fenced backyard. Now, greyhounds run so fast that they get beyond their familiar surroundings before they can think about turning around for home, or so we were told. So there is no logical reason that he should come home on his own, 2 hours later, like he did. I am still convinced that Angels led him home. Prayers and tears for your kitty, dear one. Cats are smarter than dogs, though. I'm sure she's found a warm place to stay.
love, Sarah
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boxes. Chaos. Childcare. Ministry. Exhaustion. Sweat. Lost cat. Tears. Food. Naps. Love.
Blah, blah, blah. ;~)
Let's get down to what's REALLY important: Show us the hair cut, girl!!!!!
Seriously, Anne, you have modeled for us all how to bear the cost of discipleship with grace and style and humor and love. Brava.
Now, seriously, seriously. Show us the new do.
Oh all Right! #$@^& (heh) I'll let someone take a picture. But then it will take DAYS for me to find my cord and picture remover and gadget etc. etc. And then I'll have to muss it, will take hours, and then I'll complain about the picture. But I will, Eventually, Maybe, post a picture.
Surprised to have a Realtor come by to show someone the house and church Doesn't even sound like the Bishop is even going to try to rebuild a congregation. He won and he lost. Thank you for the journal, you have our prayers
I am praying and praying and praying for that cat. In fact I'm not sleeping much over it. WHERE is that CAT, O God? He must be somewhere in the crawl-spaces of the flooring, and thinks he's the only one who hasn't left home. DID you sleep over at the old house yet? Me very frustrated to be so far away from helping with cat-discoveries. Meanwhile, I am "dogged" with cats who aren't supposed to be looking hungry all day. ME
Joyce, I did take Romulua a couple of days...didn't want you to think I ignored him!
Post a Comment