Friday, February 25, 2011

7 Quick Takes-- Long Over Due Pictures and other things

One--pictures from the hospital
This baby is so big that she fits the baby bunny already. It took several--many many many--weeks for Marigold to fit it. Here she is all ready to go home from the hospital. Amazing.
 Marigold was VERY SURPRISED by her visit to the hospital and not terribly delighted. She's been tantruming pretty regularly the last two weeks and by regularly, I mean several times a day. Never had a baby seriously fling herself down in anger and hysteria this young. I feel terrible because she was so Happy before (I know, I know, happiness is totally overrated) and sweet, at least as compared to Gladys who started her tough girl act so early in life.
I know we'll all recover and eventually she will enjoy Baby as much as the rest of us, but I reserve the right to cry about it as much as I want to until then.
Two--The night before going to the hospital
Look!!! The children are wearing their Christmas PJs. It might be Christmas!
Coming Soon--the children in their Christmas clothes. 
 Having had extra days waiting for Baby to turn, I baked three batches of cinnamon rolls, made a vat of oatmeal and turned half of it into breakfasty scones, and made two trays of rice krispyish treats (fancied up--peanut butter, raisins, peanuts, and whatever else I had in the cupboard).
 Three--A Snow Day
We've had many many chances to be in the snow. I need a good way to hang snow suits. Right now they get piled in a corner of the playroom in between snows. Here's Elphine and Alouicious.
 Gladys
Marigold trying to stand before going in the snow. She was very surprised by the whole activity--the clothes, the cold, everything.
Marigold in the snow really for the first time without screaming.
 Picture taken through the window.
 Cat from the inside.
Four--This last week
If you're on facebook you'll know that I got sick on Monday--well, I don't know if you can call it 'getting sick'. I wasn't paying careful attention to the fact that this huge baby doesn't really eat ever 2 hours like a newborn should. She really eats every 4 to 6 hours. I thought this was great until Monday night when I began to be in such massive pain that I figured I was going to die. So we went to the walk in Tuesday and I came home with a nice ten day antiobiotic, some more motrin and the dreaded and bovine breast pump which I still refuse to use when there's not an actual emergency. I actually spent Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday in bed and then yesterday hobbling feebly around moaning and whining.
Five--A Sweeping Generalization
It is true that if men had to breast feed they just wouldn't do it. Matt looks wonderingly at me every time I grit my teeth and attach this massive mewling infant to the most sensitive part of my body. It is nuts. Men are just more rational than women, besides having a lower tolerance for pain. How is that for a couple of broad sweeping over generalizations?
Six--Another Snow Day
I'm sitting here in my warm office watching cars trying to pull into the church lot. Three have slipped and fallen back into the road with cars coming surprisingly fast behind them, but so far no accidents. The snow is plunging from the sky and yet everyone is driving along as if there is no weather. Crazy north-easterners.
Seven--I am reading books but I'm not having a good time
I HAVE to catch up on Treasure Island today. Managed never to read it as a child and am having to read it now with my class. Of course is a wonderfully written adventure story that every child should read. I just so dislike adventures--both in books, in movies and in real life. Having managed to get through the Hobbit this year my cup of adventure is virtually full and yet after this I still face Robin Hood, King Arthur, and The Shadow of the Bull (maybe, maybe I'll weasel out of that one). Jessica wrote an excellent post about what we're paying the writer of fiction for, what is it that we want? As I reach the midpoint of Treasure Island I've discovered that I'm willing to pay for brilliantly funny writing. That's why I'm always reading at least one Wodehouse book and sometimes nothing else at all. For me, Wodehouse is the Last Word in Funny.

Have a great weekend and go check out Jen!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Resting Up

I was persuaded to stay home from school for another day, ostensibly to get some rest, but in reality so that I can seriously clean the boys room without interference from them. Alouicious and Elphine, both, are already developing into pack rats--sequestering little bits of cardboard out of the recycling into strange nooks, and gathering broken bits of whatever they can find to "save for later". I am deeply against this habit. The more stuff you save and hang onto, whether bits of cardboard or broken bits of china (my particular hoarding vice), the more you have to be prepared to walk away from should Jesus suddenly decide to come back. I have this fear of being caught in my kitchen with a basket of broken saucers trying to decide to put it down so I can be caught up in the air to meet my Lord.

Anyway, so I'm going to at least get started on their room, and also take a nap, and maybe bake a pie. I don't know.The little ones need to learn to read so maybe I'll just do that today too. Personally, I don't understand why Matt keeps calling me "irrational" just because I'm all weepy from being "too tired" by the evening to "do anything more at all".

You know what! I think I'll chuck it all and go straight for the pie. That baby is going to want to eat again in an hour and I don't think I'll be able to really provide for her unless I've eaten a whole pie myself.

Have a great day!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

That is a baby

I hope you'll congratulate me on the birth of our new baby...girl who looks just like Mr. Churchill, scowl and all. We have a real name but not a blog name yet. Some of the contenders are Ermentrude and Hyacinth (because she was born on the same day as the actor who plays Mrs. Bucket's poor husband). She weighed, at birth 8 lbs 13 oz (one ounce off of the last ultrasound in spite of being consoled over and over by the doctor, all the nurses and most everyone else, that those things are like a pound off and completely inaccurate). She's not very long and, I would say, not very big, just solidly heavy and covered in layers of fat.

I really appreciate all the prayers that she would turn--which she did without help from the doctor. I actually fell heavily in the snow right before going in to the hospital which shook us both up very much and immediately made everything feel different.

So, in case you're thinking about having a baby any time soon, I thought I would suggest some things you can do while you're in labor and then maternity.

While Laboring You Can
Listen to Matt read sermons by John McArthur about women being saved through child birth
Listen to Palestrina
Sing the Fruits of the Spirit song over and over in your head and realize that having all those things isn't actually supposed to be a passive activity but something you make an effort at (a little).
Have the hymn Come Labor On become permanently lodged in your head (I'm not kidding, I began to be hysterically unable to get the words to go away.)
Whine about being in pain and how much you hate labor and giving birth
Gaze out at the landscape and realize that Binghamton in the winter looks just like Communist Russia
Hear over and over that you 1. have a proven pelvis so everything will be fine and 2. have a tired uterus because you have had SO MANY children already
Seriously consider hugging the Epidural person for making it feel a lot like Christmas
Reminisce about growing up in Africa with the nurse who is also an MK only from the Philippines
Finally give up and give birth

While in Maternity You Can
Eat two dinners and then two breakfasts
Spend the night praying for the baby next door who is not eating, not sleeping and unhappy about everything
Read all the Father Brown Mysteries you were intending to read while laboring
Discover something called Percocet
Remodel the Maternity ward in your head
Count the seconds until you can go home
Continue to be completely amazed by how fat your new baby is
Freak out that your awesome new Kim Kardashian approved Belly Bandit will be way too small
Finally be allowed to go home

Pictures to follow!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Christmas in my heart the whole year long, blast it all

The baby is quietly waddling around the house undoing things--taking all the bottles out of the bottle basket, all the gray square mats out of the workout corner, all the toilet paper off the roll, all the clothes out of the laundry basket, all the kitchen towels out of the drawer, all the parts of the kitchen aid out of the cupboard, all the low lying ornaments off the tree.

Yes, we still have the Christmas tree up. I hate looking at it. I lie on the couch every evening and imagine taking the ornaments off, one by one, and wrapping them carefully and placing them in their bin. I can see, in my mind, where each of ornament will go and how they will fit together. But then, when I stand up, it all fades away and I forget that we have a living room or that Christmas was a month ago or whatever.

So I thought perhaps today, being a snow day, I might take a stab at coping with the tree. However, I've already made pancakes (does anyone else experience abject rage when, after serving up an entire meal at great personal expense of energy and time, 3 out of five children come back TEN MINUTES LATER to say they are "hungry" and what else is there to eat?), bread dough and done a load of laundry. That's probably enough for the whole day, given that shoving all the children in and out of snow pants, boots, hats, mittens and scarves will take about three hours, and then it will be time for supper or lunch or something. But maybe I could start by just getting the bin out to stare out for a few more days.

It might be really nice to have it down by Valentine's Day. Or the Super Bowl. Or the time my mom arrives (next Tuesday, PRAISE THE LORD). On the other hand, maybe we could leave it up "so she could see it" and then I could actually stage that now totally false picture of all the children in their Christmas clothes in front of the tree, followed by the equally false picture of all the children in their Christmas pj's in front of the tree.

Either way, when it all comes down to it, its not about the tree still being up or the baby wrecking the entire house or the children eating all day long, its about the fact that I am probably NEVER GOING TO GIVE BIRTH EVER.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Matt's Sermon from Sunday

Matt's sermon was so helpful to me this week. I thought I'd share it with you.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Baby Obsession--I'm sorry, I'm 37 weeks, I simply have nothing else on my mind

Matt appears to have the flu or something horrible which is in direct conflict with the baby who loves him SO MUCH that she wants to bounce up and down on his stomach and pinch him and be the center of his life.

I am delightedly watching the ice fall from the sky and humming songs of gratitude for a day off from school. I am exactly one day away from being totally on top of my laundry--including new baby things. I'm going to make the kids do puzzles (clean clean clean puzzles) all day and read books while I launder order back into our lives.

I spent nearly the whole morning at the Dr. yesterday--down to weekly visits now which is such a pain. This wretched baby is so seriously head grinning, waving, yawning and generally flitting away her time that I nearly had a temper tantrum. I'm not really prepared to try the ironing board thing, but I am going to try the music thing today, which I've heard first hand does work. I am really agonizingly afraid of a C-Section, just the whole idea of it makes me burst into tears. On the other hand, I've been very blessed to have five healthy normal deliveries with no complications and no trouble who have turned into five healthy stubborn messy children. So, having been commanded by the doctor not to go into labor this week because "the baby is going to turn, stop freaking out Anne" I am going to go merrily along my way and try to trust God.

Anyway, what with the flu and the laundry  and whatever else we have going on, the Tooth Fairy AGAIN neglected to visit our house last night. That makes twice for Elphine and once for Alouicious. His tooth has been hanging out of his mouth in the most foul looking way for weeks, but he wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on it or aid him in anyway. I finally convinced him to take a bite of a big juicy apple and out it came. However the Tooth Fairy apparently got stuck in the ice (just like an airplane) besides being so old and decrepit she can't keep a thought in her head, much to the disappointment of us all, and so we're going to have to write her a letter today and hope that she will pull things together.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Saturday on the links

I've succumbed to some kind of nasty cold and can't talk very well, for which I'm pretty sure all the children are delighted. Some of them keep coming and sitting very close to me and gazing rapturously into my fog filled running eyes. I don't know what they have to be insecure about. Just because we had something every night this week and haven't in any fashion carried on with our normal routine--honestly.

Actually, without forethought, we came to the end of the week and found it had been almost as bad as Holy Week (the standard of exhaustion by which all other moments of exhaustion are judged).

Anyway, so I woke up in the middle of the night and seriously gave some thought to entering MCJ's competition for Next Top Episcopal Bishop, and later took comfort in Simcha's furnace troubles (I'm probably not as busy as her!), and then later I used Jen's Saints Name Generator to pick a patron Saint for the year. I got St. Martha (Feast Day July 29) whose domain includes laundry workers, servants, housekeepers and cooks. Nothing, actually, could be more pertinent to my current station in life.

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

in the bleak horrible snowy winter

There is something deeply mesmerizing about listening to the list of school closings on the radio. Even looking at the list online or watching the local news doesn't produce that deep sense of peace as our local NPR guy's strange lispy vaguely southern voice of soothing calm. I've listened to the recitation a total of 5 times this morning and have not been disappointed or bored by it once. Sadly, the hour is nine and everyone pretty well knows who's on a 2 hour delay and who is actually closed, so I'll have to wait until the next big snow for this small morning pleasure.

The hour is indeed nine and even though I can barely keep my eyes open. the throngs are clamoring to be allowed to go out in the wretched stuff. Monday, if you popped by, I was facing a sledding extravaganza which did, in fact, take place. It took me about three hours and one temper tantrum (mine when the closet door leaped off and smacked me in the foot) to find everyone's snow suit, boots, hats, gloves, scarves and the camera. Fortunately, when we finally made it to the slope Romulus completely spooked after one ride down the hill and screamed so loudly and longly that I was Forced to sit in the warm toasty car with him and the baby watching the madness from afar.

Today I'm going to watch from the window while they all fall down and cry and stuff. And then we'll all have a nap.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Let it snow let it snow let it..............

We're going to have to buck up and take the children into the snow today. I've been putting it off all weekend due to the fact that I HATE snow and being cold. I dislike it so much I don't even think its pretty. My ideal winter, of course, would be the hot hot dry dry north wind blowing sand everywhere and everything getting chapped in the dryness but so cold at night that you can put on a sweater and a pair of socks.

Instead of that, I have five children's worth of snowsuits and boots to dig out of bins This Morning because I have managed to put it off this long. Our old neighborhood included lovely children who would come and take my offspring into the snow while I stood at the window and snapped pictures. This new house is on a busy street and so Someone will have to go out with them. I'm assuming, of course, that that Someone will be Matt but since the snow began we have ceased making eye contact whenever the subject arises. Matt says with his lips that he "loves the gray sky of winter" but he hasn't made any move to take any child out in it.

While I am wrestling with crying sniffly frozen children this morning I will remind myself that Dante's lowest part of hell was actually cold, I think, not hot. Clearly God agrees with me.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Saturday Muddlings

Really miss blogging. However, just tried to perch the computer on my tummy only to find it slide off and hit the floor heavily. Am now trying to lean over and type so that it won't fall but am too enormous to really reach the keyboard.

Not really sleeping any more out of anxiety that we are Not Ready For This Baby!!! The house isn't clean. I don't have any baby clothes out and washed. We haven't even moved the current baby out the car seat into something bigger. The baby bed is full of toys. I don't have anything arranged to take to the hospital (my special socks, my special hidden pen, my special hidden toothbrush, the exact right novel...).

And, even more worrying, the baby is head up and already 7lbs.
So, um,
the only thing I can think of is to give you is this.

If you make it through the video you have to be sure and read the comments. I laughed for over an hour and ended up in so much pain I had to take a handful of Tylenol. I only discovered this Amazing video by trying to read about the inauguration of our new governor. I still don't know anything about that event because of only having time to read about this cake--although calling it a cake seems kind of a stretch.

In  other news we think the cat is trying to kill us.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Don't you hate it when people just change the picture/blog look without actually posting? Yeah me too. Have a great day!

Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years Seven Quick Takes

One
Clearly from the whining alone, its time for this lovely Christmas break to be over and for us to go back to school next week.
Gladys: But Moooommmmmmyyyyyy, I wanted to pick out my own shirt. But Mooooooommmmmyyyyy, Romulus is hurting my feelings. Etc. Etc.
Two
The lone exception to all the whining is the baby who is so good natured, cheerful and funny we are having an increasingly hard time understanding how she came to be in our family. However, I'm sure when baby #6 comes along she will gain the full measure of bitterness, sarcasm and angst that all the other children have.
Three
Elphine took her own money to the book store and bought a book about Helen Keller and then proceeded to read it herself (HUGE breakthrough) and then, to the delight of me, go around the house for a whole day with her eyes closed, crashing into things and then collapsing in laughter at herself.
Four
Matt bought me a fancy little flip video camera for Christmas. Its so clever and cute and I'm SURE now I'll keep careful track of all the things going on in our lives (ha). He just videoed his "morning commute". What a trial it is for him to get to work in the morning.
Five
The children are all going to play with their favorite person at church today and then their favorite babysitter is coming (early early ) this evening so we can go out to dinner, leaving an entire day where Matt and I will stare blankly at each other and contemplate the new year, or something. The sensible thing would be to wildly clean the house and take on some big organizing project. However, I think it would be psychologically healthier to go sit in a coffee shop and gaze out a window. Or something.
Six
I'm not making any resolutions this year, other than to just try to get through it. Isn't that holy and grand. Of course I'd like to pray more and get skinny and be a better person, but none of those things are going to happen by me just resolving to do them. The only way I can get skinny is by first giving birth (something I have very little control over). The only way I can pray more is if I get enough sleep so that I can stay awake long enough to say something more than "O dear God" (again, hinges on giving birth and then getting the new baby to sleep herself).  And the only way I can be a better person is if I....get enough sleep which hinges on....oh never mind.
Seven
Rather than making resolutions, I took a few minutes to review 2009 which was given meaning, definition and purpose by "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good" and 2010 which can be summed up in "God's strength is made perfect in my weakness" (of which there was much). I don't know what God is planning for 2011, but if he's looking for advice from me, I'd like it to be something like "And their numbers were added to daily" without a lifting of a finger from Anne who was allowed to sleep in every day and eat bonbons and watch Nigella every Saturday night on the fabulous TV.

Happy New Year! Go check out Jen.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Feast of the Holy Innocents

Matt tells me today is the Feast of the Holy Innocents. I had to preach on this day a few years ago while being pregnant (but not this pregnant) and I must say it was really a rough experience.



On the whole, in the days since Christmas, since I didn't have any time to think before, and am now feeling the full effects of pushing through the week of Christmas on adrenalin, I've been thinking on and off about Mary. Particularly, I've been struck by the timing of her labor and delivery. Obviously, the whole thing was ordained and orchestrated by God--to fulfill the prophets, to have the Shepherds in the right place, etc. etc. But when I think how much time I spend fretting, this late in a pregnancy, about timing, I find it extraordinary that God would time things So Badly for his own mother. (I jest, but only a little.) The very idea of taking a long very uncomfortable trip and giving birth in a place absent all reasonable comfort without one's own mother and family around in support is terrible to me. And yet Mary went ahead and did it. And we can probably reasonably assume that she didn't fuss. And that she trusted God. I am so devoid of this lack of fussing and possession of trust that I can barely look at the picture of the nativity without shame and guilt.

Because from 36 weeks on my whole life is generally consumed with worry and anxiety about timing. There is no good moment to have a baby. You'll miss something--all the children at home will do something interesting that you'll miss, papers won't get graded, something at church will fall through the cracks. I would like to plan ahead for all these eventualities. I would like to be able to schedule and be in control. But the only thing I'm allowed to have control of, when the moment arrives, is the choice to give life, to give birth.

And for those who don't make it, who flinch in the face of this thing, I grieve and morn, and today I pray.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Lessons and Carols

Tune in to Lessons and Carols at 10 on WSKG!!! Or if you don't plan to, DON'T CALL ME!!! I'll be listening and I won't answer the phone or the door.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas in my heart the whole year long

Still can't get over how weird The Christmas Carol is and the whole idea that we will all be saved from being ghosts if we just give to the poor.

Still, had a very nice day out yesterday buying five of a lot of things to fill out stockings and other matters. Look like a crazy woman, putting five of everything in my cart--five large oranges, five chocolate Santas, five enormous candy canes, five tiny flashlights, five little puzzles, five boxes of chocolate biscuits, four pens and note books and one tiny doll.

"I have a lot of kids" I said apologetically to the checkout lady as she tried to look uninterested (but I know she was interested).
"When are you due?" She asked in gentle horror.
"In about a month."
"Well, good luck" she admonished.

Luck is not what I need. But I said thank you "in the spirit of Christmas". Today, "in the spirit of Christmas" I'm going to make Persimmon pudding for Christmas dinner and help each child try to secretly make something for some other child. They drew names again this year and they're all obsessed with painting bird houses.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Merry Christmas

My favorite Christmas music ever.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

My sermon from this morning: Colossians 1:18-20

A few weeks ago the country of Cote d’Ivoire held presidential elections. RCI is afflicted by that which ails many countries in Africa—strong ethnic groups divided geographically, in this case north and south complicated by a history of strong dictatorships with a good dose of corruption. When Matt came to Africa to meet my parents for the first time RCI dazzled the world by having a coup which eventually devolved into an all out civil war. My mom and dad, at that point living in Abidjan were evacuated three different times before they gave up
and moved to Kenya. Fast forward ten years to these recent elections. The leader of the northern opposition, Ouattara, in that first conflict ran for president this time and won a little over 50% of the vote. Not surprisingly, the incumbent president, Gbagbo, from the south, nullified the election results and had himself sworn in as president again, taking up residence in one section of Abidjan. Ouattara responded by also swearing himself in, selecting a government and taking up residence in the very nice Hotel du Golf—one of my preferred places to go swimming on earth. So RCI is distinguished  right this moment by having Two Presidents and so far 20 people, at current count, killed in various small conflicts across Abidjan and I just read this morning that there has been violence at Grand Bassam, my most preferred beach in the whole world.

I don’t know about you, but I think this is a pretty vivid picture of a creation that is broke open, undone. I could certainly list more—small domestic brokenness, little break downs in communication or love that niggle in the back of the mind and are really tough to let go of; the brokenness of the body, of which half of Binghamton experienced this week in the form of a horrendous stomach flu; the breakdowns of the institutions of material life—like my shower door jumping off its hinges and smiting me on my foot. All of creation is broken. It is torn open, undone.

But wait!
Those of you who were here last week should be crying out—
hang on! all creation is For Christ.
He holds it all together.
He made it.
If he withdrew his sustaining loving power for one moment, as Matt said,
we would all shrivel up and disappear.
He is the source of our breath, our life, everything that we have.
How, on one hand, can we talk about the glorious supremacy of Christ, and on the other cope with the serious brokenness of life and creation and principalities and powers?

This cognitive experiential observable disconnect plants us right where we need to be in Colossians verses 18-20. I’d encourage you to have your Bible’s open.

Paul writes,
He,
That is Jesus,
Is the head of the body, the church.
He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead,
that in everything he might be preeminent.
For in him the fullness of God was pleased to dwell,
and through him to reconcile to himself all things,
whether on earth or in heaven,
making peace by the blood of the cross.


Ok, so, first, before you protest that these few verses have nothing whatsoever to do with anything we have been talking about, we have to go back to the beginning, we have to be reminded of the nature and place of sin in creation.

Paul is strategically purposeful in his use of the word “firstborn”.
Just to remind you, firstborn can either mean born first, or representative.
So Emma is our firstborn, but Jacob was also firstborn even though he was born second, because he is the head of the House of Israel. Christ wasn’t born first, he is the head over all creation. In the same way Adam, though not born, but created first, is representative or head over all of humanity, that’s us. 

It is hard to understand in our western autonomous individualism that anyone would represent or be head over the entire scope of human beings from the beginning all the way to the end, but it wouldn’t have been hard for Paul. For most of the world, and certainly in the first century, identity is given to you at birth by the group into which you are born and we are all born into Adam’s group. 

Just to fly off on a tangent, I think that’s why its so hard for us, in the west,
to understand political conflicts in Africa where group ethnic language identity is so defining, so basic, so fundamental to individual identity. In this worldview, then, Adam, in his capacity as our representative or head, sinned.
He made the road down which we all go.
He broke his relationship with God,
with his wife Eve,
with creation,
with the cosmos itself
and we all walk in his way by going ahead and sinning ourselves.
As a result we live fragmented overwrought, sick, broken lives—trying always to put all the pieces back together but never quite managing. Something is always out of order.

I belabor this because God’s sovereign will over creation, made perfect in Jesus, is to fix this problem, is to put everything back together. That’s what’s going on here. To establish the authority and power of Christ first only lets us know that the problem was always in hand. There was never a time, even in the first second of Adam’s sin that God didn’t know what to do.

So, how is he fixing the problem?
If you have your Bible’s open, notice that we’ve gone from very big to smaller.
We’ve gone from the immensity of God—because trust me, God is bigger than his creation—to the rather enormous nature of creation, the earth, the skies, the seas and all that in them dwell; to the very big nature of the principalities and powers of this world—imagine living in Abj. at this point and how insurmountable the problem of having two presidents would be--all the way down to verse 18—the body of the church, which, as we sit in this enormous building seems the smallest and most powerless of anything on this list so far.
And yet, here is the church at the end of the list, 
privileged,
led up to,
left till last like that’s what we’ve all been waiting for.

Shocking, I know, in a world where even the church is looking for something other than the church. The Body of Christ is so out of fashion these days. But we can’t understand the rest of the verse unless we start there. Now, of course, when I use the word ‘church’ I don’t just mean this building. Paul uses the word ‘body’—a living organism, a living breathing alive group of people who have Christ as their head, who love him and are found in him,
who do what he  wants and look more and more like him every day.

The church is made up specifically of people who were once dead in sin, who could not have a relationship with God because they were dead,
who had broken relationships with each other,
who had left creation in disarray--
so far I could be talking about everybody in the whole world, right?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God—
but then it narrows down.
The church is those whom God has brought back to life.

We watched the Princess Bride the other night. Wesley, if you remember,
was mostly dead, and, to be mostly dead is to be partly alive, and therefore, all he needed was a chocolate coated pill to come back to life.  I think most of us think of our lives in Christ that way. Yeah, I am mostly dead in sin, but not completely. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
If once you sin, which we call do, you are completely unplugged from the source of all life, God. You may go on breathing in and out because God is gracious, but you are spiritually not alive at all. Paul lays this out most completely in Ephesians 2:1.
And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked,  But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,
even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ


No pill,
no magic incantation,
no breathing machine,
no medical intervention could bring us to life.
Only the work of God himself who accomplished it in a peculiar way.

Look again at verse 18 in Colossians—
he,  
Jesus,
is the firstborn from among the dead.
Here is where language is so lovely and Paul is so clever.
Here he means ‘born first’.
Jesus was the first to come back to life after also being completely dead. He was resurrected in his own though new and glorified body. And in so doing he actually destroyed death.

That is the church.
Those who were once dead are made alive in Christ. And having once been brought to life, all the brokenness begins to be reversed.

How?
Well look at your text, in Jesus, the fullness of God is pleased to dwell. God is fully and completely there in Jesus—there’s no gap or bits missing, God is fully there.
And what is the church?
The body of Jesus.
So when you are found in Christ, when you are part of his body, the fullness of God is pleased to dwell in you through the Holy Spirit.
Your relationship with God is fully and completely restored.

It may not feel like it.
Heaven help me it very rarely feels like it. But depending on any feeling of God at all is like sticking your head up in the middle of a gun battle to see how everything is going. 

There you are, on the ground, with your gun and less ammunition that you’d like, peaking out between the bars of your shop window, ready to shoot and hoping to survive. Can that properly be called a vantage point from which to judge the nature of the battle? Who is winning? Who is in place? What’s going on? 
Me, standing in the middle of my kitchen trying to talk on the phone, make dinner, and mediate between warring children am not in the best position to judge the real nature of the presence of God in my life.

In this case we rise up on the wings of Holy Scripture to see things as they really are. Gazing down from the comfortable words of this glorious hymn
we can see that the battle is already won.
There are not two presidents,
two equal parties in the conflict of good against evil,
God and Satan battling it out.
No, Christ is preeminent,
he is sovereign,
he holds all things together,
he has destroyed death,
the fullness of God dwells in him, and what is he doing?

Look at verse 20,
he is the agent by which God is reconciling all things to himself—that means putting them all back together, both on earth and in heaven. 
How? By the blood of the cross.

We’re about to celebrate the birth of Jesus, not his death.
And we’re going to have all the children dress up and show us a picture of this amazing moment when the fullness of God came to dwell in a baby, of all things. And not a cute six month old baby of celebrity parents who could provide everything and be wonderful—no, a shriveled up new baby that cries all night and gets horrible tummy aches and doesn’t smile for a long long time, at least 6 weeks, to parents who hadn’t had any other babies, so how were they to know, in a place Child Protective Services would be on in a second. The fullness of God came to dwell, and that baby grew up and walked his steady unrelenting way to the cross to fix this mess. That’s what we mean when we say that God is sovereign over all things—he is preeminent. Not like a megalomaniacal dictator who sees all the sin and evil in the world and doesn’t care, but a being who purposes, out of love, to reconcile all things to himself by becoming one of those things—those people—suffering and dying. And destroying death. Forever.
That’s the sweet poignant desperate joy of Christmas.
That’s the purpose of the cross.
That’s the end toward which we hope and long.
That the powerful all encompassing overwhelming love of Jesus
will overtake and remake the world.

So you can go ahead and fight the fight.
You can go on muddling through,
following Jesus and keeping your eyes fixed on him
and doing what he calls you to do.
Because he is making you alive.
He is your hope, your joy, your breath, your life.
You can trust him because he has it in hand,
he is holding it all together.