Thursday, August 14, 2008

When Sin Enters In

I didn't mean to cease blogging for a whole week, but I happened to fall into sin and its completely preoccupied me. I have literally (in the most cliched way possible) been Freaking Out all week. The nature of this sinful freak out? I, generally the most Mary of women, turned into a raving frothing Martha. Its been coming on for a while. While daily reading the scriptures, reading great posts like this one, praying, ostensibly "seeking the will of God" I was Actually setting record unreasonable expectations for myself and my house, for my husband and children, indeed, for God himself. Each day of the past month they have reached ever higher until today it all crashed down about my fat ankles. I was reduced, this morning, when my plans were snatched away from me and I was forced to consider alternatives for my very Important Day of organizing my house, to hysterical whining on the phone to Matt about how bad my life was.

Needless to say, God and everyone had had enough and I was pulled back into reality, complaining wildly. I exaggerate, a little, not too much. Mostly I'm meekly grateful to have some perspective restored, and, unsurprisingly, some real progress on the house. When I finally stopped complaining, and started working, I ended up getting something done. Tomorrow I will return to the Kingdom of Blogging, as I leave aside the Kingdom of Anxiety. Goodnight.


TLF+ said...

Anne - leave room for the possibility that it isn't just sin... but God at work on you in a less than fun way...

Malcolm+ said...

I won't say I know how you feel, but I know I have felt something like what you've described.

But I was particularly struck - jarred? - by the reference to "unreasonable expectations . . . for God himself."

I think I know what you mean. But the usual way we use the phrase "unreasonable expectations" is to describe expectations which are unreasonable because they are beyond the capacty of the one expected to accomplish them. Thus, "unreasonable expectations for myself and my house, for my husband and children" certainly. But surely it isn't possible, in this sense, to have "unreasonable expectations . . . for God himself," since nothing is beyond God's capacity to accomplish, which capcity is "more than we can ask or imagine.".

Which, of course, isn't what you mean at all. I do realize that.

So, an "unreasonable expectation . . . for God himself" is unreasonable in some different way than all those other "unreasonable expectations." Perhaps because our expectations are not aligned with God's will.

Anyway, thanks for giving me a door to wander down this particular path of reflection.