Monday, January 27, 2014

in which I confine my remarks to the weather

The snow is swirling wildly outside my window and the temperature apparently is falling another degree each hour. Matt has decided not to walk after all. Discovered, as I rushed along to church yesterday in my stupidly thin coat, that whenever I look out of the window or scuttle through the snow covered landscape, that I am always thinking only of summer. And more even, my mind has been playing tricks. When I open the door of the church and look at the cement slab, I see myself sitting with a cool drink and a friend and children capering around. When I go the other way, out towards the parking lot, I look up at the hills and see green everywhere. When I gaze dull-y out the front window at the big tree I see leaves unfurling.

And then I blink and see that it is really white and gray, not green, and feel the piercing cold, not the soothing balm of heat, and wonder if I am going mad. Maybe I am becoming a person who hallucinates. Maybe I am losing my mind. Maybe I'm developing some weird coping mechanism. 

So the weather is supposed to continue cold, to use an understated and inadequate word, all week. And I, I will continue to fuss and ask God why he doesn't love me. Why, I will ask, must I suffer? And God will tell me to stop complaining. And everyone else will walk around like nothing unusual or bad is blowing itself over the hills and frozen river.


Anonymous said...

You do wrie well - and no doubt you meant that you were losing - not loosing - your mind although either could be considered appropriate in this weather take care and stay as warm as possible

Anonymous said...

Anne, Brownsville texas is beckoning you it is 74 today.

Anonymous said...

It's not losing your mind, it's rather a comforting reminder, that the hostile outdoor environment won't stay as it is now. I eventually learned to put tulip or other bulbs in pots in the cool and dark at least by early Nov., and then around the end of January there are some green sprouts and they can be brought in the house and encouraged to shoot up. Flowers may even result! It's very reassuring in this sort of winter.